Week 9

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I've never been an outdoorsy person. 

Going out on weekends usually means a crowded mess for me, therefore I was under great pressure when I decided to do something differently this past weekend, exploring the cherry blossom season at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.

There were a lot more people than I expected. I waited forever under the direct sun for the food/drink line which did not seem to have moved at all for half an hour. My shins were numb from the standing and I was dehydrated, impatient, and uncomfortable. The place was so overpacked that I did not have any signal on my phone.

However.

The bouncy leaves were falling down from the cherry blossom trees like they were dancing fearlessly in the summer air. 

The open grassland was covered with cherry blossoms and people were lying down, dancing, laughing, kissing, sleeping on the flower sea.

In a city without seasons, it was spring and it was summer. The ambiguity of the season could not disguise the smile on people's faces. Everyone was so exuberant, carefree, as if it was the best day of their lives. 

I know what I need to do now. Something I've always been avoiding in life came out of the cherry blossoms and whispered to me. The message was there. And I picked it up.

I have to train my mindfulness and focus on the here and now. I need to take my steps and appreciate the present instead of overthinking about all the uncertainties thereafter. 

Because this is now. It is always now. 

Week 8

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I visited the Long Island for the first time last weekend, and there was something exciting about spending a day at a place that seems so close to New York city yet so far away from it.

It was also my first time to shoot shotguns. I knew I would love it even before I actually pull the trigger. Adrenaline to me what muses to the poets. Most of the times I live my day scared, the fear of which lies in the lack of direction in my life and always feeling I am out of my own control. That's why I knew I would enjoy shooting shotguns, the absolutely clear sign that I am the one who pulls the trigger and where the bullet goes depends on no one else but me. It was also a perfect escape to the nature with my partner in crime. The trees, the vast landscape, the breeze, the cherry blossoms, everything reminds of the Long Island depicted in the Great Gatsby, and it is indeed a wonderful place to slow my pace and focus on the present.

It's really important for me to develop new perspectives constantly, because that's the problem the antidepressants cannot solve for me. Every day I am trying to discover something good that works in life, and ultimately I hope I can live in peace with myself in this crazy loud world. 

 

Week 7

You say,

In the summer, we are going to your house by the lake

You said it last night

Feels to me seasons already went by

If you know my name

Self-sabotage and impatience,

Is that still something you would say?

I asked you to picture the cottage, the lake, the woods, the air, the ride,

I want to be prepared.

When you drift away and never will come that day

At least I had the lake,

I know the lake,

I am drawn to the lake,

in your eyes.

          --Lake in your eyes

Week 6

 

Like I am the tablet you take for sleep

Like I am the water you desperately need

Like I am the dessert and you absorb the sweet

Do not set me free

Taste me

Embrace me

Swallow me.

--Dissolve me

 

Water and paper

Water and paper

Week 4

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Record Shop Discovery

The moment I walked in the Good Records on the East 5th street, a fantasy world unfolded in front of me. I've been keen on collecting vinyls since I tried once at a friend's place who has the whole set of the studio. Oddly though, I've thought about it but not planning on getting a turntable and the studio any time soon, which does not impact me to go explore record shops every once in a while. For me, there is something residing in those shops, maybe it's the weirdly old-fashioned records played inside, maybe it's the sluggish customers who look like they have the whole day to squander there, or maybe it's the trippy posters on the wall that stare at you condescendingly, that always puts me at ease, immediately. It almost feels like a secret escape spot from the crazy world out there. 

 

 

Book: Milk and Honey (Rupi Kaur)

I love this tiny collection of poems because it just made me want to write poems. I will post my own in the discovery log next week. 

 

Week 3

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Music: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

I've been always more of an indie pop fan than indie rock. My stereotype of typical indie rock was the massive instrumental sound covering all the vocal and also the similar pattern in every soundtrack. I wasn't totally wrong, only that I forgot to give it a chance of seeing it live. When I finally did this Saturday night at Brooklyn Bazaar in Williamsburg, I understood the fanaticism of rock music in general. Everything becomes different when you are actually in front of the stage. The notes were jumping out alive from the bass, guitar, and the keyboard and the vocal found a way to perfectly blend into the instrumental harmony while still standing out as the leading melody. I never realized before that being at an indie rock show could make me let go of so many redundant emotions. Nobody was thinking of anything when they were busy bouncing up and down and delegating the music full control of their bodies. It was purely a moment of purity in the show of The Pains of Being Pure at Heart. 

 

Rooftop: Random building on the 5th Avenue

Discovery and lesson to be learned regarding rooftopping this week: DO NOT underestimate the doors. 

There I was again on a random rooftop in the New York City in a what otherwise would be a perfectly chill afternoon, if only the door weren't locked when I tried to get down. The thing is I didn't know there exists a kind of door that can be locked only one way, and when I had no trouble opening the door from the inside of the building, I just assumed I would get out from the same route. But it was locked. I tried every possible door on that rooftop to see if there was another exit, but they were either locked or led to scary elevator shafts. Just when I was desperate enough and about to call the front desk, I noticed the stairs alongside the platform. Narrow, dirty, and hollow stairs outside of a 15 story building. So I had to climb all the way down, and finally managed to walk on the lovely streets again after I crawled out through a deserted basement. 

Once again, do not underestimate the doors. Or better, do not underestimate anything. 

 

 

Book: Boy Meets Depression (Kevin Breel)

This book is simply a must-read for me and touched on every neuron of my body. Kevin Breel first talked about depression on a Ted Talk before publishing the book. I was deeply moved by his words because for one thing I could relate to each tiny intangible yet absolutely existing feeling and self negating emotions; for another he took the courage to write about his personal experience to convince the readers that life IS really worth much, if you let it be. 

I know myself well enough that I am aware I can type all these words of positive energy this moment and the next all the struggles, self-loathing, emptiness and hopelessness would still come back to me. But it's reassuring to have the book lying next to my bed, reminding me I am not the only one in whatever darkness there is to emerge. 

 

Week 1

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Music: This Will Destroy You

A new instrumental band I discovered this week has put me in a peaceful and concentrating mindset at work. After Tycho and Bonobo, This Will Destroy You could be my new obsession when craving for a light background music. I also found out they had an album called Live In Reykjavik, Iceland, which corresponds to my next to go destination!

 

Place: Carthage Must Be Destroyed

Exploring new places in New York City has always been an exciting way to spend my weekend. I saw this new restaurant on a blog and remembered the name immediately. Everything is pink inside the restaurant (even the pink tubes and a pink door from outside), ranging from cute plates to the expresso maker, the walls, and you name it. As a passionate foodie, I can also be responsible enough to assert that the food there is fresh, light, and enjoyable. An interlude happened during the lunch was that the waiter forgot to place our order and we waited for half an hour before we asked another guy, who turned out to be the owner and offered the food free of charge. 

 

Chilling outside the hidden gem

Chilling outside the hidden gem

Fun Fact: Most of the players of the Boston Bruins are Canadians.

Frankly, I don't watch sports very often and this Sunday was my first experience of watching a complete hockey game, with a Canadian friend. The game was between the Boston Bruins and the Montreal Canadians. I was surprised that he is a huge fan of the former because my superficial left hemisphere attributed the name of the teams to the place automatically. With a long, detailed explanation from him I learned that in the old days the junior league that belongs to the Boston Bruins was based in Canada. Although now the team members are able to choose whichever team to join after the junior league, the majority of the players of the Boston Bruins are Canadians.  

Fun Fact follow-up: I wielded magic and settled the dust for the Boston Bruins with a 4-0 victory.