Week 9

I've never been an outdoorsy person. 

Going out on weekends usually means a crowded mess for me, therefore I was under great pressure when I decided to do something differently this past weekend, exploring the cherry blossom season at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.

There were a lot more people than I expected. I waited forever under the direct sun for the food/drink line which did not seem to have moved at all for half an hour. My shins were numb from the standing and I was dehydrated, impatient, and uncomfortable. The place was so overpacked that I did not have any signal on my phone.

However.

The bouncy leaves were falling down from the cherry blossom trees like they were dancing fearlessly in the summer air. 

The open grassland was covered with cherry blossoms and people were lying down, dancing, laughing, kissing, sleeping on the flower sea.

In a city without seasons, it was spring and it was summer. The ambiguity of the season could not disguise the smile on people's faces. Everyone was so exuberant, carefree, as if it was the best day of their lives. 

I know what I need to do now. Something I've always been avoiding in life came out of the cherry blossoms and whispered to me. The message was there. And I picked it up.

I have to train my mindfulness and focus on the here and now. I need to take my steps and appreciate the present instead of overthinking about all the uncertainties thereafter. 

Because this is now. It is always now. 

Week 8

I visited the Long Island for the first time last weekend, and there was something exciting about spending a day at a place that seems so close to New York city yet so far away from it.

It was also my first time to shoot shotguns. I knew I would love it even before I actually pull the trigger. Adrenaline to me what muses to the poets. Most of the times I live my day scared, the fear of which lies in the lack of direction in my life and always feeling I am out of my own control. That's why I knew I would enjoy shooting shotguns, the absolutely clear sign that I am the one who pulls the trigger and where the bullet goes depends on no one else but me. It was also a perfect escape to the nature with my partner in crime. The trees, the vast landscape, the breeze, the cherry blossoms, everything reminds of the Long Island depicted in the Great Gatsby, and it is indeed a wonderful place to slow my pace and focus on the present.

It's really important for me to develop new perspectives constantly, because that's the problem the antidepressants cannot solve for me. Every day I am trying to discover something good that works in life, and ultimately I hope I can live in peace with myself in this crazy loud world. 

Week 4

Record Shop Discovery

The moment I walked in the Good Records on the East 5th street, a fantasy world unfolded in front of me. I've been keen on collecting vinyls since I tried once at a friend's place who has the whole set of the studio. Oddly though, I've thought about it but not planning on getting a turntable and the studio any time soon, which does not impact me to go explore record shops every once in a while. For me, there is something residing in those shops, maybe it's the weirdly old-fashioned records played inside, maybe it's the sluggish customers who look like they have the whole day to squander there, or maybe it's the trippy posters on the wall that stare at you condescendingly, that always puts me at ease, immediately. It almost feels like a secret escape spot from the crazy world out there. 

Book: Milk and Honey (Rupi Kaur)

I love this tiny collection of poems because it just made me want to write poems. I will post my own in the discovery log next week.